but at the end of the day I just think you need to feel safe in your own skin and if your friends aren’t adding into that then you need to find new friends. and you drinking a handle of vodka a night that’s probably not adding into it either. you people need to find your own kind of balances and your own kind of peace."

 Don't be a bitch.

 I'm tired of wondering.

The stars lean down to kiss you.
I lie awake and miss you.

They invented love all right
But they still can’t make the right
Plastic or metal or whatever to hold it all in
So it just keeps leaking
All over everything
Dripping and splashing/making music
Gives me an ear infection
Now my equilibrium’s fucked
So I’m holding onto the railing all the way down
And I’m asking for your shoulder on the way back up
If you help me when I’m frightened, I’ll help you when you’re drunk
Promise you know nothing and you’re someone i can trust
Neverminding hot death on our heals
But never forgetting it either 

Is my heart always going to feel half full without you?

 

 I am so lucky to already found my forever best friend.

 That night we talked, we talked about life, about our times together. Maybe we aren’t the same two kids we once were, but some things never change. Some things last, and even though I didn’t know what was going to happen to us or where we were going, I just knew I couldn’t let you out of my life.

We measured our lives in coffee spoons
And those Friday nights quickly turned into Sunday afternoons
We weren’t our money, our muscles, or our regrets
We were having a mere life experience


----

We all had our reasons for being there.  We all had a thing or two to learn.  We all needed something to cling to, so we did.  We all had delusions in our heads.  We all had our minds made up for us.  We had to believe in something, so we did.

 Holy fuck.
I miss you so badly my chest aches.

 All persons entering a heart do so at their own risk. Management can and will be held responsible for any loss, love, theft, ambition or personal injury. Please take care of your belongings. Please take care of the way you look at me. No roller skating, kissing, smoking, fingers through hair, 3am phone calls, stained letters, littering, unfeeling feelings, a smell left on a pillow, doors slammed, lyrics whispered, or loitering. Thank you.

 I really don't want to ask you why you haven't talked to me except for one Facebook message since I left.  I don't want to ask you why my texts go unanswered/unacknowledged and why you didn't return my call.  I really don't want to be like Alayna, so I'm trying to tell myself that you're busy, which I'm sure you are, and that you'll get back to me, which I hope you will, but after a while, I can't help but think that you mean more to me than I do to you.  I was honest with you and now I just wish I knew where I stood.  I don't want to tell you I feel like I lost a best friend when you don't talk to me.  I don't really want to know why, if I did nothing to you, why you can't send me a text that takes about two seconds to do.  I understand, you're busy, but is the reality that we won't talk because "you're too busy"?  I think if you get too busy to talk to people, you might need to change your schedule around.  I really don't want to go through this with you, so if you could just contact me, that'd be great.

Oh, and I keep doing stupid things to convince myself that something extra good will come for me/us.  I do the dishes, dry them, and put them away.  I clean up the house.  I watch my brother without asking questions about when my mom will be home.  I tell myself my karma will be better because of it, that you'll finally call, but it hasn't worked.  I hate being irrational.

 I am being ridiculous about this.  He messaged me last night and that made me feel better.  A lot.  Butttt still, I heard a knock at the door, and I thought it could be him.  Every text.  I even did the dishes because I thought that maybe if I did, then he'd text me back?  It makes no sense.  None of this is rational.  Is that the point?  I want to be with him so bad.  I will sit on a plane for nine hours and then some.  I will pay the $250.  I will do just about anything.  I don't think this is necessarily conducive to moving on.

 It feels like I've got time for nothing but missing him.

 I just want to be with him again.